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Thursday, March 22nd, 2007

Time:4:26 pm.
gong to reham once more.....god im a fuck up
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Wednesday, December 27th, 2006

Time:9:23 am.
143 john
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Wednesday, December 20th, 2006

Subject:today at sabrina
Time:3:13 pm.
woke up today at like 11:30 chilled with sabrina going to see my hubby soon, i cant wait i love him so much words cant even describe how much he mean to me
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Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Subject:to the homie
Time:3:59 pm.
friends come and go but i will remember you forever... ive know you since i was a little girl like around 12 i saw u with your ups and down and i watch you over come the addiction that we all had a problem with. you'll be in our hearts and memories forever. i know your up there watching over us especially crystal. she love you and misses you so much. thanks for the ciggs that one day you came over looking for saura i think i was on house arrest and you did me a favor and drove to the cigg store and gave me ciggs. damn i cant believe your gone
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Subject:the love of my life
Time:3:47 pm.

arent we so cute
dunking nuggets upside down

99 cent chicken nuggets... :) i love you


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Friday, June 9th, 2006

Subject:its been a long time
Time:8:42 am.
Mood: sleepy.
its been way to long since ive written in my journal. Well lots has happened. Me and Baby are getting a apartment soon like in a couple of days. Well its not really a apartment its actually more like a house with all the utilities. Things are good not easy but life isnt a fuckn bowl of cherries you know what i am saying.???  Work sucks only because its work everybody can agree with me work sucks. i mean dont get me wrong the people and my boss are chill as hell but standing hurts my feet so much. But things are turning out better than we've both expected. my mom is helping me so is my father. i still go to school i missed like 2 wks. but now im back. but im fuckn tired i just wanted to say my dreams are coming true living with john i love him so much. hes my life muah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
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Sunday, May 28th, 2006

Subject:this weekend has been the shit
Time:11:47 pm.
Im at hubbys house as we speak..... we have had the best weekend ever spending quality time together... i love him so much. ...... i love u john
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Monday, May 22nd, 2006

Subject:<3 just the 411 update in my life
Time:3:50 am.
Mood: in love.
Things have been really good actually. John and I are so happy together. I love him with all my heart. I admit I almost lost him. It was completly my fault, I dont know why I just wass being a bitch and freaking out on him. He dosent deserve that, hes done so much for me. Most importantly he means so much to me. The night we got in a fight I couldnt sleep, I stayed up until my mom left for work and since I had no bus money I walked to his house. Even though it didnt go well, I know it showed him how much I loved him. I had to call my mom to pick me up cause I couldnt walk 2 hours back with a bag of clothes and my guitar that i left in his car. So that I chilled with my neighbors and I used Rameen Saura's brothers phone to call. Than found 50 cent walked to a payphone left a message and thank God eza just got home i used her phone called my baby up and said lets work this out and he said ok he'd be at my house in 20 mins. ( you see i have no phone my my disconnected it)
But it dosent matter anymore we are doing really great. We said the past is the past no more bring it up. Yesterday ment alot to me because i wrote him a really really long letter and in the end of that letter i said do u see me as wife material and he brought it up to my attention and said that he sees a future with me being his wife and that fuckn means so much to mean. Ive never felt so happy in my life. I look forward to my future now.  We also had a really good time at joes house ate a great home cooked dinner yummy. john did the cutest thing when we were walking to the car he ran like i did lol that was so great, wobble wobble wobbble. hehehe. Im so glad he is a part of my life. Hes been letting me use his celluar phone to talk to him and stuff at night time and now the celly ran out of batteries and i cant talk to him. But hes doing his community service. We said we were going to meet at my NA. I cant wait to see him. Now i know what he meant by not being able to talk to him but wanting to cause usually i had a cell and he could call me anytime but now i have nothing and im urging to talk to him to hold him to kiss him. FUCK  I miss him so fuckn much. I have to wait until 7pm its only 11:05 am. Im at school. I have rehab 3pm and than at 6pm i have therapy than at 7pm NA, and that is were hes going to meet me. 
i seriously am so happy. My world could be crashing down and all he has to do is smile, (oh how i love that fuckn smile ) and everything is ok. His smile brightens a cloudy day. Hes the only person i want to talk to you know fuck meeting new people Im not a people person. I have been fucked over to many times I only mostly chill with john and his friends because all i really knew was tweekers and I dont need that in my life. All i need is a good future and that is with john. I LOVE MY BABY......... damn Im really missing him. but ya im ttyl Im going to find some shit to add up on here muah

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Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

Subject:i love john
Time:8:18 am.

i just wanted to say that i love john so much

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Time:8:13 am.

in memory of justin weber...your still in our thoughts homie always and forever
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Subject:can you agree or do u disagree
Time:7:45 am.

..isn't always bliss. not in this sense.
the sense of judging a person without knowing him or her.
the sense of actually speaking out upon a statement in which you just sound so utterly and completely ignorant. no facts? know truth. think before you speak. it's all common sense, isn't it? well, i always thought so.. buuuut.. call 'em niggers if you will - ignorant people. without a clue to the obvious. and your skin doesn't have to be a few shades darker than mine to well-fit this description of a shallow mind.

it's saddening to see the effects of day-to-day living in this world. a problem, big or small, occurs in pretty much everyone's lives each day. but if you can't live in love.. if you can't speak in truth.. if you have no desire for knowledge.. if we all judge each other based on.. well, no basis at all.. we continue to live in a society of skepticism and hate. hurricane katrina; the victims - the society - the diseases - the politics - governing - and personal discretions all involved could all be a perfect example.

i was introduced to this book the other day.. the language of love.
it's not a sappy love story.. don't judge a book by it's cover.. or title ;]
it's an amazing contribution to day-by-day life. you may just find YOUR god.

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Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

Subject:all johns poems,
Time:2:25 pm.
Mood: fucked over.

one thing we had together was our poems and songs
they ment the world to me
In full bloom, we see our fate, like the

silence in our relationship with our mate,

all we can do is hope it doesn't come,

treasure every moment breathed from your

lung, treasure every word your lover says

from her tounge


I think the worst,
I never knew just a question could make me
burst into tears,
my thoughts believe in something more,
With you I know I'll always love you,
I'll never understand where we really are,
or what we bring to eachother,
and how it makes us complete,
or why,
our love does make us complete,
even when it hurts us both.

When you said hello,
When you said you love me,
When you said hello,
When you said you love me,
When you said hello,
When you said you loved me,
Didn't forget,
Couldn't forget
Couldn't get you out of my head,
Didn't forget,
Couldn't forget
Couldn't get you out of my head
Where does time go,
In our head,
In my head,
In your head,
Say I love you.

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Thursday, March 16th, 2006

Subject:i remember this when eza took the picture
Time:3:37 pm.
Mood: sad.
Image hosting by Photobucket
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Wednesday, August 24th, 2005

Time:2:31 pm.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhh i love you baby
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Tuesday, August 16th, 2005

Time:4:29 pm.
See me
Bound and badly broken
Salted wounds left open
For anyone to see

See me
The servant to the misery
Thats held deep within me
Anywhere, but nowhere, I’ll be

You can’t see me
I am but invisible
yet some call me invincible
Against the joy this world could bring
If I were just like them,
If i could just understand,
To comprehend
But life wants me to sing the pain

Hear me
The subtle sound of sobbing
My broken heart left throbbing
Through the night tears fall like rain

Hear me
Inside I’m always screaming
Disillusioned, disbelieving
Through each day it’s still the same

You can’t hear me
I am the invisible
A child who thought they were invincible
Against the joy this world could bring
If I were just like you
And happiness was a friend I knew
I’d throw my arms around the world

But life wants me to sing the pain
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Time:3:33 pm.

                                     Image hosted by Photobucket.com

                                                  Ever so sweet


I could stay awake all night Just to feel you next to me Everything, it felt alright When I could hear you breathing And when you’d finally wake The world around you could go crazy But in my eyes, you’re still The only one I’m seeing Every little thing you do Always makes me smile And every little thing you do Is worth all my while I could watch your every move And never grow tired of you All that made you, you Kept me all the more endeared Every one of your quirks And everything that makes you weird Those eyes that you have Have a hold on me And the way that you laugh Is there to remind me That everything is fine All that I need is mine I could stay still in every moment And never wake up again To my lover and my best friend i love u john
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Subject:What If ......? my political poem
Time:2:44 pm.
Mood: resident of the sick world.
What if all the people,
started living for today?
What if all the people,
Acted like tomorrow already came?
There'd be no reason to worry,
No reason to cry or grieve,
You wouldn't rush, panic, or hurry.
What if all the people,
Lay'd their wapons down
And we would have no enemies.
What if all the soldiers,
Shook each other's hands
There'd be no losers, no winners.
What if all the sinners,
Admitted they were wrong,
Dead would be pride and powers.
What if all the people,
Really tried ot make peace,
Fighting and war would cease.
What if all the people,
Finally took a stand for what is right?
They'd do anything, never give up the fight.
What if all the people,
Just tried a tad bit harder,
To lay down all their armor.
For a better world we would have,
If we all did what we should do,
To live with love, and welcome you.
For everything would be different,
If peace could really exist,
And we'd greet each and every day with a kiss.
But when it's all said and done,
You could call me a dreamer
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Subject:Poem- Title: Cry
Time:2:27 pm.
I'm scared
scared of losing
scared of winning
scared of trusting
scared of believing
I'm scared
I'm scared of losing what i have
scared of winning what others dont have
I'm scared in trusting in what i believe
scared of believing in what i trust
i wish i could make peolpe understand
how i want things to be on the other hand
but peolpe dont listen
no matter how hard i try
peolpe ignore me and thats why I cry
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Subject:Right now i am at my grandmas office, answering phones etc
Time:2:18 pm.
Mood: i loveu.
There is a beautiful mask laid up on my face.
Hiding up the pain I'm trying to erase.
Smiling and smiling with out a frown
Tying up the tears and avoiding a breakdown.
With this mask on I seam to be fine,
But underneath it in this broken heart of mine,
I can't think, I can hardly breathe,
Thou I know it's my heart I need to retrieve.
With out my mask on I only sit, think and cry.
Shivering beneath my skin in this horrible lie.
Without you my life is just gray.
You took this mask I was wearing away.
Thank you,
I love you
i miss you
love always
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Monday, August 8th, 2005

Subject:thank you ashley, p.s periods suck ;)
Time:9:35 pm.
Mood: i love him.
Image hosted by Photobucket.com This picture was taken at ashleys house, (i was talking to you) on the phone, I really miss you John. I'm very sorry. i will stop making things weird and let you be happy.Just always know that I love you and anything you need call me. even to talk on the phone for hours, i love john i'm sorry about everything, but if your happy like you said you were without me than thats all i want connie aka once was the lucky'est bitch, now a lonely bitch (Poem:) hear me hear me you gotta be out there you gotta be somewhere wherever you are i'm waiting cause there are these nights when i sing myself to sleep and hopin my dreams bring you close to me are you listening? hear me i'm crying out, I'm ready now turn my world upside down, find me I'm lost inside a crowd, it's getting loud I need you to see I'm screaming for you to please forgive me can you hear me? i'm restless and wild I fall but I try I need someone to understand I'm lost in my thoughts and baby i'm far for all that I got hear me i'm crying out, I'm ready now turn my world upside down, fly me I'm lost inside a crowd, it's getting loud I need you to see I'm screaming for you to please hear me hear me forgive me hear me can you ever forgive me? hear me forgive me hear me can you ever forgive me?
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LiveJournal for dearhubbyiluvu.

View:User Info.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.